I remember when...

I remember, I remember when I lost my mind.

I dunno where this is gonna go. I'm just doing it 'coz I ain't in ages and come July it'll be dunzo.

Oh yes, that's a good start. 19/07/2011 I officially graduate and will no longer be a student :-(. It's a horrific thought and I cannot bare to talk about it so I'm going to stop before I begin.

The last few weeks have been filled of endless amounts of coursework as per usual. I also seem to have left the majority of it until the last minute. It seems I was never meant to change my ways. Alas, after next Friday...NO MORE COURSEWORK EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Unless I fail).

I saw The Script on Saturday. We went in the Sky Bar. I've never been in there before but it was cool and no queues for the drinks 'coz hardly anyone goes there! The Script were awesome, I've wanted to see them for so long and they lived up to my expectations. This was the last of my 21st birthday events. 5 months after my birthday and it's officially all over :-(. I refuse to be 22.

I said earlier on twitter that I want to wear a top hat, have one of them mustaches that curls at the ends and smoke a pipe whilst riding around here and there on a horse and carriage. This is true. It'd be cool.

I still want my 50's diner though, that dream's still going strong.

This is a bit boring.

I'm currently addicted to milkybar.

I'm a bit lost now that Coach Trip series 6 has come to an end. I'm really annoyed fat Hilary got to the end. Evil witch!!!!

Peace x

I'm like lately I seen that many man are comin' up with funny little skanks and ting but when I'm on a skankin' ting no lie - I'm on a blankin' ting and if you feel my shit I'm on a thankin' ting but if you bring a pretty girl around here I'm on a spankin' ting, it's no wankin' ting. I, see me I'm on a stancin' ting, further more I should be the skankin KING!

:-)

FINALLY I've got to the stage I usually get to on the 31st of December when I am ready to rid of anything in the year that hasn't worked out well. I usually feel SO good about my life on January 1st because I've decided to make the changes and I stick with it. Well, my January 1st was delayed to January 7th.

Instead of a blog dedicated to the negativity I will keep it short and instead say. Thank you, it all taught me a lot and quite simply - good riddance to it all!!!

I'd also like to own and manage a 1950's diner when I'm older. It will sell shakes and greasy burgers and chips. The ketchup will be put into them old school ketchup holders. People will choose the music on a proper jukebox. It will be really good.

Peace x

2010

The last two years I have written a blog on the last day of the year. It brings me jokes looking back and reading them and actually makes me cringe quite a lot. I like it though because it shows me I am actually maturing and that's a good thing.

I wanted to get fitter this year. I failed. I don't even care, I'd just rather binge on fatty foods after making random trips to the supermarket with my house mate, and drink loads of alcohol with my friends.

I also wanted to keep selfish and only focus on myself. I have done (most of the time), I think I might of taken it a bit too far with one specific example but I'm hopefully gonna get that sorted AND if I do that'll be the only thing I don't have complete! Good one. Some people do get to me too much sometimes but such is life, I soon move on and brush them off. Let them regret what they've done 'coz I couldn't give a feck!

This year I have learnt many a thing -

• I'm better at exams than coursework and shouldn't waste as much time on essays as I do because it's pointless.
• Sometimes giving people a second chance can work out okay, but things will never be as they were. That's often a good thing.
• I can't handle my alcohol like I could when I was at college.
• I love marmite on everything.
• When people find what THEY think is a fault in you they will always try and put you down because of it. They will make snap judgements and try and bring you down, and will often try and cover it up by making it sound like a joke. Luckily I'm comfortable with who I am, the way I look and where I wanna go so their attempts with me will always fail. Shallowness is sad, this is THEIR fault. The difference is - they know it is and so they don't need people constantly throwing it in their face. Self-criticism is always the worst and thus, they will always be the ones worse off, gutted.

There's more but meh.

In 2011 I don't really want to make plans. I'm gonna graduate and so with that things are gonna change completely. I'll have to move back to Essex full time and try and get a full time job so I can save and go travelling. That's my vague plan. It may not happen, that's why I don't want to set myself specific targets.

Apart from this I'll continue to be self-centred, think only about myself and let people who wanna talk to me and be a part of my life do such!

One final thing I want to say is losing someone as an adult hits you ten times harder than when you're a kid. Going into 2011 I want good health and happiness to those I do care about, and I'll be raising a glass for everyone who can't be here to celebrate with me - because no matter how many fresh starts I'll make they'll always be a part of it! I am who I am because of them.

If you read this you really wanna get a life.

Peace x

Hello.

I have just been given a different perspective of everything I've been going through this week.

I have felt angry and annoyed by people who constantly fuck you over and make a fool of you. I've been very grumpy and very rude.

However someone who I know fairly well is going through a heck of a lot more. Their strength and everything they're doing at the moment made me wake up and question everything I was doing, thinking and the way I was behaving. Life is about focusing on the people you know you CAN rely on, even if there are few and far between of them, they should be given your energy, not the negative people. You should live every moment with them and enjoy it. The person who made me realise this is beautiful and an inspiration in so many ways, I know they're gonna keep fighting and WILL make a full recovery, they just will! It's a bit sad that something as serious as that made me realise and I'm a bit ashamed of myself for it but I'll admit that.

From now on I will try and keep this perspective and disregard anything unnecessary that generally won't make a difference to anything I do in the long run.

Thank you.

Peace x

Sometimes I wish I was a robot.

Don't you bloody hate it when one of the people you can't stand in the world starts copying you? To the extreme THEY COPY YOUR BLOODY BLOG. Ef off out of my life you butt ugly swine!

On the other hand, don't you bloody love it when it turns out that girl is a butt ugly swine! Hahahahahahahahaha. Gutttttted!

Peace x

I turned 21

Yesterday I turned 21. I had the best day. I stayed in bed until I had uni at 12, then after my hour there went to a friends. They bought me a tandem space hopper and made me marmite wedges and marmite eggy bread. After this I napped, then went for dinner and a wide variety of drinks where I was given some more presents and presented with a home-made, marmite flavoured cake. This is the brief description. It was a chilled, relaxed day with no worries and was just the best birthday.

It's the first one I've felt that I'm finally at a point where I am ready for a new chapter and to do something different. It's silly that I need some sort of special occasion for this realisation but hey-ho that's how it's gone. I am ready to graduate, travel a little, find a job, travel a little more and then get my teeth into a decent career. I'm worried about the rates of graduate unemployment but I'll get through it in the end.

University is hard this year. Very hard. It's almost as if it's my third year...I live in the library and constantly have about 10 books to read. Good times? Non.

I'm excited for the rest of my birthday celebrations including the K+D themed fancy dress party and the gathering with my family in a few weeks.

Life is super, really really super.

That is all.

Peace x

...I run to the river and dive straight in. I pray that the water will drown out the din, but as the water fills my mouth it couldn't wash the echoes out, but as the water fills my mouth it couldn't wash the echoes out. I swallowed this sound and it swallows me whole 'til there's nothing left inside my soul - an emptiness, that beating drum but the sound has just begun...as I move my feet towards your body I can hear this beat, it fills head up and gets louder, and louder...

Bullyproof

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of 2009, wear sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.
The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists,
whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experiences.
I will dispense this advice now:

Enjoy the power and the beauty of your youth.
Oh, never mind. You'll never understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back and photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you looked. You are not as fat as you imagined.

Don't worry about the future, or worry. But know that worrying is as effective as solving an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are actually the things that never crossed your worried mind, the ones that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other peoples hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste time on jealousy.

Sometimes you're ahead. Sometimes you're behind. The race is long, and in the end it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive, forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your hold love letters and throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with the rest of their lives. some of the most interesting 40 year olds still don't.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40. Maybe you'll dance to funky chicken and your 75th wedding anniversary.

Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either.

Your choices are half chance, and so are everybody elses.

Enjoy your body, use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it. It's the best instrument you'll ever own.

Dance. Even if you have no-where to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worse.

But trust me on the sunscreen.