2010

The last two years I have written a blog on the last day of the year. It brings me jokes looking back and reading them and actually makes me cringe quite a lot. I like it though because it shows me I am actually maturing and that's a good thing.

I wanted to get fitter this year. I failed. I don't even care, I'd just rather binge on fatty foods after making random trips to the supermarket with my house mate, and drink loads of alcohol with my friends.

I also wanted to keep selfish and only focus on myself. I have done (most of the time), I think I might of taken it a bit too far with one specific example but I'm hopefully gonna get that sorted AND if I do that'll be the only thing I don't have complete! Good one. Some people do get to me too much sometimes but such is life, I soon move on and brush them off. Let them regret what they've done 'coz I couldn't give a feck!

This year I have learnt many a thing -

• I'm better at exams than coursework and shouldn't waste as much time on essays as I do because it's pointless.
• Sometimes giving people a second chance can work out okay, but things will never be as they were. That's often a good thing.
• I can't handle my alcohol like I could when I was at college.
• I love marmite on everything.
• When people find what THEY think is a fault in you they will always try and put you down because of it. They will make snap judgements and try and bring you down, and will often try and cover it up by making it sound like a joke. Luckily I'm comfortable with who I am, the way I look and where I wanna go so their attempts with me will always fail. Shallowness is sad, this is THEIR fault. The difference is - they know it is and so they don't need people constantly throwing it in their face. Self-criticism is always the worst and thus, they will always be the ones worse off, gutted.

There's more but meh.

In 2011 I don't really want to make plans. I'm gonna graduate and so with that things are gonna change completely. I'll have to move back to Essex full time and try and get a full time job so I can save and go travelling. That's my vague plan. It may not happen, that's why I don't want to set myself specific targets.

Apart from this I'll continue to be self-centred, think only about myself and let people who wanna talk to me and be a part of my life do such!

One final thing I want to say is losing someone as an adult hits you ten times harder than when you're a kid. Going into 2011 I want good health and happiness to those I do care about, and I'll be raising a glass for everyone who can't be here to celebrate with me - because no matter how many fresh starts I'll make they'll always be a part of it! I am who I am because of them.

If you read this you really wanna get a life.

Peace x

Hello.

I have just been given a different perspective of everything I've been going through this week.

I have felt angry and annoyed by people who constantly fuck you over and make a fool of you. I've been very grumpy and very rude.

However someone who I know fairly well is going through a heck of a lot more. Their strength and everything they're doing at the moment made me wake up and question everything I was doing, thinking and the way I was behaving. Life is about focusing on the people you know you CAN rely on, even if there are few and far between of them, they should be given your energy, not the negative people. You should live every moment with them and enjoy it. The person who made me realise this is beautiful and an inspiration in so many ways, I know they're gonna keep fighting and WILL make a full recovery, they just will! It's a bit sad that something as serious as that made me realise and I'm a bit ashamed of myself for it but I'll admit that.

From now on I will try and keep this perspective and disregard anything unnecessary that generally won't make a difference to anything I do in the long run.

Thank you.

Peace x

Sometimes I wish I was a robot.

Don't you bloody hate it when one of the people you can't stand in the world starts copying you? To the extreme THEY COPY YOUR BLOODY BLOG. Ef off out of my life you butt ugly swine!

On the other hand, don't you bloody love it when it turns out that girl is a butt ugly swine! Hahahahahahahahaha. Gutttttted!

Peace x