Howl.

Hello.

I really must write a couple more of these, I keep forgetting and in a couple of months this blog will be over, it'd be nice to have quite a substantial amount of writing to look back on. I'm unsure if I spelt substantial correctly.

I just read my last blog, I can officially confirm that (providing I pass the entire year) I NEVER HAVE TO DO COURSEWORK AGAIN! Biggest relief ever. The week after my previous blog was, in every way 'hell week' - I have never experienced a week like it. Waking up early, working on essays constantly, going to uni for revision lectures, doing coursework in the library in-between, coming home and doing essays, reading a LOT of books to help the essays, printing them (which believe me is a LOT more trouble than it sounds what with needing printer credit and printers printing on both sides EVEN THOUGH YOU TELL IT NOT TO...) etc etc...it was just general ag. Alas, it's all done :-).

This has reminded me that this week I also had the nicest carv ever. Honest. If you ever go Canterbury, go to the Victoria Hotel for their carv, proper buff and me and Broomy shared two deserts just to make it even better.

I then packed up a LOT of stuff (my books and notes pretty much took up an entire suitcase...) and headed back to Essex where I have been based for a month now. I've not gone out clubbing ONCE (I'm proud, you should be too) and have actually focused on revision more than ever, although I still know I know nothing and feel under-prepared. It pisses me off when people say 'oh you're just saying that, you'll be fine' as if they know how much work you've done, how much work you have to do, how much you have to learn for exams - no, you don't know so shut up and believe me when I say I'm not ready for them. Gahhh. Anyway yeah, I've been to the pub a few times, saw N-Dubz and Pro Green at the o2 and that's about it. Oh and I saw all my Essex mates over Harrow Lodge in one of the bank holidays. It was cool. I've liked having time to myself. I'm ready to go back to uni, do my exams and then, spend three weeks getting off my face with Katie and Broomy. We're going to have a posh day and spend money from our loan because we've never had any left over before, this shall be the first time :-).

I've had a few beers and my eyes hurt now.

I DON'T WANT EXAMS.

I like old movies, like The Godfather Three.

Peace x

P.S. Echoes by Laura Dockrill is a good book of short stories.

P.P.S. One of my oldest friends moved into his first house today, with his fiance. Tomorrow we're going over for a bit of a housewarming and I'll probably have a few beers.

P.P.P.S. My sister is 25 on Sunday, how unfortunate to turn a quarter of a century! Dreading THAT day!

I remember when...

I remember, I remember when I lost my mind.

I dunno where this is gonna go. I'm just doing it 'coz I ain't in ages and come July it'll be dunzo.

Oh yes, that's a good start. 19/07/2011 I officially graduate and will no longer be a student :-(. It's a horrific thought and I cannot bare to talk about it so I'm going to stop before I begin.

The last few weeks have been filled of endless amounts of coursework as per usual. I also seem to have left the majority of it until the last minute. It seems I was never meant to change my ways. Alas, after next Friday...NO MORE COURSEWORK EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Unless I fail).

I saw The Script on Saturday. We went in the Sky Bar. I've never been in there before but it was cool and no queues for the drinks 'coz hardly anyone goes there! The Script were awesome, I've wanted to see them for so long and they lived up to my expectations. This was the last of my 21st birthday events. 5 months after my birthday and it's officially all over :-(. I refuse to be 22.

I said earlier on twitter that I want to wear a top hat, have one of them mustaches that curls at the ends and smoke a pipe whilst riding around here and there on a horse and carriage. This is true. It'd be cool.

I still want my 50's diner though, that dream's still going strong.

This is a bit boring.

I'm currently addicted to milkybar.

I'm a bit lost now that Coach Trip series 6 has come to an end. I'm really annoyed fat Hilary got to the end. Evil witch!!!!

Peace x

I'm like lately I seen that many man are comin' up with funny little skanks and ting but when I'm on a skankin' ting no lie - I'm on a blankin' ting and if you feel my shit I'm on a thankin' ting but if you bring a pretty girl around here I'm on a spankin' ting, it's no wankin' ting. I, see me I'm on a stancin' ting, further more I should be the skankin KING!

:-)

FINALLY I've got to the stage I usually get to on the 31st of December when I am ready to rid of anything in the year that hasn't worked out well. I usually feel SO good about my life on January 1st because I've decided to make the changes and I stick with it. Well, my January 1st was delayed to January 7th.

Instead of a blog dedicated to the negativity I will keep it short and instead say. Thank you, it all taught me a lot and quite simply - good riddance to it all!!!

I'd also like to own and manage a 1950's diner when I'm older. It will sell shakes and greasy burgers and chips. The ketchup will be put into them old school ketchup holders. People will choose the music on a proper jukebox. It will be really good.

Peace x

2010

The last two years I have written a blog on the last day of the year. It brings me jokes looking back and reading them and actually makes me cringe quite a lot. I like it though because it shows me I am actually maturing and that's a good thing.

I wanted to get fitter this year. I failed. I don't even care, I'd just rather binge on fatty foods after making random trips to the supermarket with my house mate, and drink loads of alcohol with my friends.

I also wanted to keep selfish and only focus on myself. I have done (most of the time), I think I might of taken it a bit too far with one specific example but I'm hopefully gonna get that sorted AND if I do that'll be the only thing I don't have complete! Good one. Some people do get to me too much sometimes but such is life, I soon move on and brush them off. Let them regret what they've done 'coz I couldn't give a feck!

This year I have learnt many a thing -

• I'm better at exams than coursework and shouldn't waste as much time on essays as I do because it's pointless.
• Sometimes giving people a second chance can work out okay, but things will never be as they were. That's often a good thing.
• I can't handle my alcohol like I could when I was at college.
• I love marmite on everything.
• When people find what THEY think is a fault in you they will always try and put you down because of it. They will make snap judgements and try and bring you down, and will often try and cover it up by making it sound like a joke. Luckily I'm comfortable with who I am, the way I look and where I wanna go so their attempts with me will always fail. Shallowness is sad, this is THEIR fault. The difference is - they know it is and so they don't need people constantly throwing it in their face. Self-criticism is always the worst and thus, they will always be the ones worse off, gutted.

There's more but meh.

In 2011 I don't really want to make plans. I'm gonna graduate and so with that things are gonna change completely. I'll have to move back to Essex full time and try and get a full time job so I can save and go travelling. That's my vague plan. It may not happen, that's why I don't want to set myself specific targets.

Apart from this I'll continue to be self-centred, think only about myself and let people who wanna talk to me and be a part of my life do such!

One final thing I want to say is losing someone as an adult hits you ten times harder than when you're a kid. Going into 2011 I want good health and happiness to those I do care about, and I'll be raising a glass for everyone who can't be here to celebrate with me - because no matter how many fresh starts I'll make they'll always be a part of it! I am who I am because of them.

If you read this you really wanna get a life.

Peace x

Hello.

I have just been given a different perspective of everything I've been going through this week.

I have felt angry and annoyed by people who constantly fuck you over and make a fool of you. I've been very grumpy and very rude.

However someone who I know fairly well is going through a heck of a lot more. Their strength and everything they're doing at the moment made me wake up and question everything I was doing, thinking and the way I was behaving. Life is about focusing on the people you know you CAN rely on, even if there are few and far between of them, they should be given your energy, not the negative people. You should live every moment with them and enjoy it. The person who made me realise this is beautiful and an inspiration in so many ways, I know they're gonna keep fighting and WILL make a full recovery, they just will! It's a bit sad that something as serious as that made me realise and I'm a bit ashamed of myself for it but I'll admit that.

From now on I will try and keep this perspective and disregard anything unnecessary that generally won't make a difference to anything I do in the long run.

Thank you.

Peace x

Sometimes I wish I was a robot.

Don't you bloody hate it when one of the people you can't stand in the world starts copying you? To the extreme THEY COPY YOUR BLOODY BLOG. Ef off out of my life you butt ugly swine!

On the other hand, don't you bloody love it when it turns out that girl is a butt ugly swine! Hahahahahahahahaha. Gutttttted!

Peace x

I turned 21

Yesterday I turned 21. I had the best day. I stayed in bed until I had uni at 12, then after my hour there went to a friends. They bought me a tandem space hopper and made me marmite wedges and marmite eggy bread. After this I napped, then went for dinner and a wide variety of drinks where I was given some more presents and presented with a home-made, marmite flavoured cake. This is the brief description. It was a chilled, relaxed day with no worries and was just the best birthday.

It's the first one I've felt that I'm finally at a point where I am ready for a new chapter and to do something different. It's silly that I need some sort of special occasion for this realisation but hey-ho that's how it's gone. I am ready to graduate, travel a little, find a job, travel a little more and then get my teeth into a decent career. I'm worried about the rates of graduate unemployment but I'll get through it in the end.

University is hard this year. Very hard. It's almost as if it's my third year...I live in the library and constantly have about 10 books to read. Good times? Non.

I'm excited for the rest of my birthday celebrations including the K+D themed fancy dress party and the gathering with my family in a few weeks.

Life is super, really really super.

That is all.

Peace x

...I run to the river and dive straight in. I pray that the water will drown out the din, but as the water fills my mouth it couldn't wash the echoes out, but as the water fills my mouth it couldn't wash the echoes out. I swallowed this sound and it swallows me whole 'til there's nothing left inside my soul - an emptiness, that beating drum but the sound has just begun...as I move my feet towards your body I can hear this beat, it fills head up and gets louder, and louder...